Devastated. Shattered. Totally.

I’ve been tossing over in sleep thinking about the recent move to ban smoking in films. I was planning to watch a lot of movies and start smoking in exactly 1 year, 234 days from now but the news has devastated me. All my further plans stand spoiled. Like, I was planning to be a hoodlum in 3 years, and then a serial killer in a year. Because I’m impressed with all those movies. Software engineers are seldom showed in big screen. Now, because of the smoking ban, nothing is going to happen.

Emptiness seems to surround me. How many times have such devastating things happened? How many times has one event changed your life, making it meaningless? Agreed that we are all dumb and you are most likely dumber than me (as proved below), but then, that’s no reason for such a lot of injustice.

Now, with movies about to be banned, I’ve no chance to get inspired. Why do I say movies are about to be banned. For two reasons. Like I said, I’m a lot smarter than you and can predict things. Second, the logic follows below. The inherent assumption is that we are all dumb. That’s true, simply because it can’t be otherwise.

Precisely ten days from now, liquor usage in movies would be banned. A social message such as “Honesty is the right policy” will appear in all movies. After 10 more days, using vehicles would be banned, coz it creates a lot of pollution. But remember: it’s good for us, coz we are dumb. All foreign movies will have vehicles blurred in the image and instead a message such as “Keep environment clean” will appear. Isn’t that great? It must be exciting going back to Stone Age. Or even to the age of Neanderthals, when life was so simple. Then all sorts of sex, rape, bad language scenes would be blurred out. By that time, it’s an easy guess that Hollywood flicks would stop showing in Indian screens – unless you love seeing electronic blurs for movies. Then movies would all be silent. Coz VHP would start complaining about use of languages other than Hindi, and DMK would start fretting about usage of languages other than Tamil. Ditto in Andhra land. Then some asshole-in-power will find a reason for banning all crying and laughter.

Then, for a period of about one year, movies will just have people running all over the place. [I’m kind of unsure about this part, coz even for my genius, prediction isn’t a cakewalk. You wouldn’t understand it anyway.] Then slowly, directors would all be in the temples. Outside the temples, I mean. Asking for alms. Isn’t that great? Thanks to all movie-banning, we’ll all be good people. And all those celebrities will crash down to earth, or even further below. You could be a hero. I love life.

By the way, here’s proof of the claim that I made earlier. I was a born genius. The only reason I’m dumb now is because a dog bit me at the age of ten and I didn’t take injections because I was shit scared of them. Plus the doctor was a dumb one. But then, you were born dumb. That makes all the difference.

P.S: I’m actually dead scared that I’ve openly used the word “serial killer” in my post. I might delete this post before someone catches me. Or bans me. For influencing my readers.