Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Devastated. Shattered. Totally.

I’ve been tossing over in sleep thinking about the recent move to ban smoking in films. I was planning to watch a lot of movies and start smoking in exactly 1 year, 234 days from now but the news has devastated me. All my further plans stand spoiled. Like, I was planning to be a hoodlum in 3 years, and then a serial killer in a year. Because I’m impressed with all those movies. Software engineers are seldom showed in big screen. Now, because of the smoking ban, nothing is going to happen.

Emptiness seems to surround me. How many times have such devastating things happened? How many times has one event changed your life, making it meaningless? Agreed that we are all dumb and you are most likely dumber than me (as proved below), but then, that’s no reason for such a lot of injustice.

Now, with movies about to be banned, I’ve no chance to get inspired. Why do I say movies are about to be banned. For two reasons. Like I said, I’m a lot smarter than you and can predict things. Second, the logic follows below. The inherent assumption is that we are all dumb. That’s true, simply because it can’t be otherwise.

Precisely ten days from now, liquor usage in movies would be banned. A social message such as “Honesty is the right policy” will appear in all movies. After 10 more days, using vehicles would be banned, coz it creates a lot of pollution. But remember: it’s good for us, coz we are dumb. All foreign movies will have vehicles blurred in the image and instead a message such as “Keep environment clean” will appear. Isn’t that great? It must be exciting going back to Stone Age. Or even to the age of Neanderthals, when life was so simple. Then all sorts of sex, rape, bad language scenes would be blurred out. By that time, it’s an easy guess that Hollywood flicks would stop showing in Indian screens – unless you love seeing electronic blurs for movies. Then movies would all be silent. Coz VHP would start complaining about use of languages other than Hindi, and DMK would start fretting about usage of languages other than Tamil. Ditto in Andhra land. Then some asshole-in-power will find a reason for banning all crying and laughter.

Then, for a period of about one year, movies will just have people running all over the place. [I’m kind of unsure about this part, coz even for my genius, prediction isn’t a cakewalk. You wouldn’t understand it anyway.] Then slowly, directors would all be in the temples. Outside the temples, I mean. Asking for alms. Isn’t that great? Thanks to all movie-banning, we’ll all be good people. And all those celebrities will crash down to earth, or even further below. You could be a hero. I love life.

By the way, here’s proof of the claim that I made earlier. I was a born genius. The only reason I’m dumb now is because a dog bit me at the age of ten and I didn’t take injections because I was shit scared of them. Plus the doctor was a dumb one. But then, you were born dumb. That makes all the difference.

P.S: I’m actually dead scared that I’ve openly used the word “serial killer” in my post. I might delete this post before someone catches me. Or bans me. For influencing my readers.


At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 12:47:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey spetzzzzzzz !! absolutely hilarious post !!! good one man

At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 12:49:00 PM, Blogger Govar said...

@Don: Aaah .. Don.. thanks for visiting. :)

At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 5:41:00 PM, Blogger Lumbergh-in-training said...

govar buddy,
please visit my blog and follow it if you want to... sorry...

At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 6:53:00 PM, Blogger Bhaskar Sree said...

hey Govar..
I didnt realize the simple ban would have so many consequences..!!

Its all so complex but then let me try and decipher atleast a part of it..

For instance, it has averted a dearth of MBAs and MBA aspirants in Central India.. thereby causing a shortage of global man(ager)power in the top-shot business orgns in India and thereby causing the GDP to grow at 1% less than predicted...

Let me also tell you why..
If you had become a serial killer, your definitive targets would be the profs and students at the Tekri where you reside currently.. and also probably the students at a MBA coaching institute that you frequent... apart frm other places..

But, now that the smoking ban in movies has destroyed your roadmap of becoming a serial killer.. India is saved.. I'll invest more money in the stock market now..

Thanks to the Government for a very thoughtless ban that still has turned out to be so beneficial to mankind!!

At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 7:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO... Good work.

At Tuesday, June 21, 2005 8:14:00 PM, Blogger Govar said...

@Manoj: Am following it thro RSS regularly. :)

@Bhaski: Awesome line of thought. Infact we carry the madness further highglighted the macroeconomic impact of the extra money saved in the country by stopping me. And, as we know, the money pools back in and again and we could soon be the super power. :)

At Wednesday, June 22, 2005 11:24:00 AM, Blogger Jammy said...

Too much of stress in college?
Sorry but don't see anything hilarious in this post.

At Wednesday, June 22, 2005 11:47:00 AM, Blogger Govar said...

@Ram: hehe. It was just an 'attempt'.

At Thursday, June 23, 2005 12:55:00 AM, Blogger Krish said...

Serial-killer is the one who takes Selvi, Kolangal, Ahalya etc. off the air :-)

At Thursday, June 23, 2005 2:12:00 AM, Blogger Govar said...

Hmmm. Looks lilke some TV serial characters... long since I saw serials.. couldnt recognize. :)

At Thursday, June 23, 2005 10:10:00 AM, Blogger Jam said...

Govar dood,

U seriously need something to fill in all the idle time that you've been getting of late.

Change the name of your blog to Govar and his psychopathic rumblings or something like that.


PS: I would love to see the 'serial-killer' angle of Govar.

At Thursday, June 23, 2005 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Govar said...

@Jam: You reallly do... being a neighbour, and closest target? :)


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